Among the weirdest and least justified attacks on All-Things-Trump since the election was the one a few days ago by fantasy film director Joss Whedon, best known for the Avenger movies.
Whedon - who has previously ranted and raved against House Speaker Paul Ryan and actress Nicole Kidman - Nicole Kidman??? - this time visited his wrath on First Daughter Ivanka Trump, whom he called a "dog," and her husband, Presidential adviser Jared Kushner, whom he dubbed "Voldemort," after the Harry Potter archvillain.
We'll let others, better versed in the nuances of Potter exegesis, analyze the Voldemort reference. But as for the positively glamorous Ivanka being called a "dog" - we object, not only on behalf of Republican women, but on behalf of all women everywhere.
First of all, judge for yourself. Which of these two people deserves the Dog Tag more?
Granted, Whedon is prettier than, say, Michael Moore - although we're sure Moore, too, was a beautiful baby and that his mother, grandmothers, and aunts all doted on his chubby cheeks.
But criticizing the looks of even as gorgeous a woman as Ivanka Trump has now become part and parcel of the anti-GOP tirades of the frustrated Democrats, several of whom have also made derogatory remarks about the appearance of American-girl-pretty Kellyanne Conway and international-model-pretty Melania Trump.
Let me be clear: One of the primary tenets of true Feminism - and Yes, its counterpart true Masculinism - is that good and nice and sane people should judge women (and men) on grounds other than their superficial appearances. Judge every woman and every man on their intelligence and talent and personality and kindness and decency and . . . . pretty much everything other than how well they look in a bikini or a Speedo.
And, Yes, we believe this holds just as true when Republican men - the offenders are almost always men - make offhand and hurtful remarks about women's looks.
We objected strongly to criticisms of Hillary Clinton's hair, clothes, complexion, and posture during the 2016 campaign. And we protested loudly when then-Candidate Trump dissed the attractiveness of GOP stalwarts Carly Fiorina and Heidi Cruz - both of whom are lovely-looking women, by the way.
We were equally offended when Candidate Trump mocked the looks of his Leftist nemesis Rosie O'Donnell - who resembles perhaps 1 in 3 women of Irish descent, making attacks on her attractiveness an insult to the Emerald Isle itself.
However, as long as angry and thoughtless boys will be boys, and angry and thoughtless men will be men, I offer my sisters - Republican, Democrat, or Other - a way to retort when the Animal Card is foolishly played.
Frankly, most men are just not too imaginative when it comes to this kind of Zoo-buse. They seem to have Limited Menageries. Women are "dogs" - which can be very cute - "pigs" - which are often adorable - or "cows" - symbols of all-American wholesomeness and part of our basic culture.
So the next time someone calls another woman - or you - by one of these standard Animaledictions, tell the nasty so-and-so that if you - or Ivanka - or Rosie - resembles a little doggie (or a little dogie), then he looks just like:
An Axolotl
This exotic Mexican salamander is long-lived for an amphibian - so it's appropriate to compare it to older men. And it's an aggressive carnivore, relishing worms, insect larvae, crustaceans, and even some small fish.
A Shoebill Stork
This resident of African swamps hunts at night - like so many men do. It's antisocial, too, preferring to live in areas uninhabited by humans.
An Alligator Tick
Also called a Giant Water Bug, these nasty beetles have a (human) toe fetish and one of the most painful bites of any insect.
A Star-Nosed Mole
So he thinks He's a celebrity? This Star can detect incipient earthquakes via its eleven pairs of nose tentacles. (But makeup artists despair when it comes on the set.)
A Proboscis Monkey
OK - in profile, this native of Borneo is sorta cute. But his beer belly is enormous, and he lives most of his life in an ivory tower - well, treetop. (Bet he plays video games on the sly.)
A Sand Puppy
This rodent from the Horn of Africa, also called a Naked Mole Rat, is known for a near-complete lack of sensitivity (in its skin), like so many human misogynists. With its tiny eyes, protruding teeth, and crinkly yellowish hide, it will probably remind you of that scary kid who used to throw spitballs at you in grade school.
A Blobfish
Recently voted world's least attractive animal in a U.K. poll, this corpulent Aussie is also low-energy, able to survive simply by floating above the sea floor, opening its large mouth, and ingesting crabs and other creatures whole.
If that doesn't sound like . . . . . Well, I think we all know men who resemble this one.
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