Mommy, Mommy! Jimmy Bullied Me!

Following in the Democrats' long tradition of Victimization as the preferred path to political empathy, Hillary Clinton claimed in a conference call to donors Saturday that she should have, could have, and would have won last week's Presidential election if not for the bullying of F.B.I. director James Comey - the beast!

Never mind that Comey was praised as a hero by many Clintonistas a few days before the election, when he decided his agency did not, after all, have enough ammunition in Clinton's possible-treason-by-E-mail case to warrant an immediate indictment.


In the aftermath of her stunning defeat, Clinton's trying out the role of the poor little schoolgirl terrorized by the schoolyard Bully. "Mommy, Mommy, Jimmy stuck my pigtail in the inkwell and made me cry."

We fear this is just the beginning.  In the coming weeks, Hillary and the Clintonistas may come up with many other beasts, villains, devils, and bullies to blame for their "unfair" loss:


***** Vladimir Putin: "He has a Bromance going with Donald Trump and did everything he could to hurt me. Russian hacking discredited Debbie Wasserman-Schultz and made Bernie Sanders supporters vote Libertarian, Green, or possibly Satanist. Putin also made trouble in Syria just to spite me."

***** Julian Assange: "His operatives are everywhere! And their Mission - if they choose to accept it - is leaking every tidbit of information that could be misinterpreted."

***** Nigel Farage: "He's obsessed with that Brexit business and maintains my friendships with financiers prove I'm the Darling of the Globalists. Untrue! I only talk to my BFF George Soros 4 or 5 times a day."

***** Marine Le Pen: "One little speech in Brazil about Open Borders, and the entire European Right makes me into a demon."

***** Kim Jong-Un: "You think the little so-and-so would have authorized those new nuclear tests if Bernie Sanders were running?"

***** Xi Jinping: "I have no doubt whatsoever he's been waging a Currency War to embarrass Democrats."

***** The Zika Virus: "It caused havoc in Florida, squelching our efforts to register illegal immigrants, felons, drug dealers, and Alzheimer's patients - all of whom, of course, reliably vote Democratic."

***** Hurricane Matthew: "Ditto, except it was the entire Southeast."


***** Scott Baio: "And all those other Adorable Deplorable Celebrities who dared to break ranks with their Hollywood - or Dollywood - brethren. Celebrities are supposed to be Democrats. We made it part of our Platform."

***** The late Justice Antonin Scalia: "How could one man make so much trouble for Hillary Clinton from beyond the grave?"

***** The entire State of Michigan: "Plus all those other back-stabbing States who always vote for Democrats. How dare they thwart an Anointed One's election?"

***** Cruella DeVil: "Because she doesn't like puppies, clearly proving she was a Trump supporter. Is there anyone else we've left out?"

 
*******************************************

What Podesta Hath Wrought

We all just knew - didn't we? - that Clintonista-In-Chief John Podesta's obsession with UFOs could have dire consequences.


Well, the spaceship may have hit the fan. Word has leaked that the Office of Refugee Resettlement (ORR) has been holding a series of emergency conference calls with government agencies to vet places to house "Unaccompanied Alien Children," whose number now stands at a near-record 59,692 so far in 2016, many of them now detained in prefab housing near the U.S.-Mexico border.

We know what you're thinking. That "Alien" was a slip of the official tongue, and these unaccompanied children are just coming in from the expected places - Mexico, Central America, ISIS training camps . . . .

But what if we're wrong, and the  border Wall we need should be situated somewhere in the Stratosphere? 

Meanwhile, we're sure, like all children, Alien kids are cuddly and adorable. Soon they'll be up for adoption, and John Podesta may put in a bid for 10.

******************************************* 

Barry, Barry Quite Contrary

Sometimes, topics for PFUN write themselves - as in, "Did he really, truly say that?"


Appearing as a guest on the popular Dallas-based Tom Joyner Morning Show, Barack Obama proclaimed with manic certainty that a President Donald Trump would dig up and destroy First Lady Michelle Obama's White House garden.

"You think I'm joking?" said Obama. To which host Joyner answered, "That is messed up."


After rolling our eyes, every Republican who heard or read about this strange remark - and, we hope, any non-hysterical person in the Other Party - must have had three immediate thoughts:


One: What in the world is Michelle growing in that garden that a President Trump would want to dig up?

Two: As far as we know, Republicans love flowers - and herbs and vegetables and even some shrubs.


And Three: If desperate Dems are making up rumors about the ways a President Trump might "destroy the White House," what other gossip might they come up with next? Some possibilities:


***** Instead of dogs and cats as pets, Trump intends to install - or possibly breed - Komodo dragons, which will patrol the White House Lawn. He will also place an aquarium full of piranhas in the reception area.

***** Trump is going to demolish the Presidential bowling alley and replace it with a Presidential shooting range, run entirely by NRA operatives.

***** All regular Presidential press conferences will be held on Twitter at 3 A.M.

***** Public tours to the White House will be policed by INS agents, and anyone not showing proper documentation will be immediately deported.

***** Invitations to sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom will no longer be open to foreign dignitaries making contributions to the Clinton Foundation on a pay-for-play basis . . . . Oh, Darn! I guess we can't use that one!

 
********************************************   

Hillary Rottweiler Clinton

Vote for Clinton, get a Puppy? Not quite. But close. 

A Clintonista "green energy" group called NextGen Climate, whose major gazillionaire backers fear an abrupt stop to the annual $1.5 trillion largesse doled out to the Climate Change Industry by the current Democratic administration, are holding numerous "puppy appearances" /get-out-the-Dem-vote events in critical swing states including Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Nevada, and North Carolina - right up to Election Day.

NextGen strategists and their "National Puppy Coordinator," Nick Ellis, found that their voter registration sign-ups went through the roof, if volunteers made their pitch accompanied by a darling dachshund, cuddly collie, or scintillating baby sheepdog.

 
So they're extending the idea to last-minute get-out-the-vote efforts, employing thousands of fetching - and fetching -  Puppies for Hillary.

 
Election laws prohibit the Dems from actually giving away puppies in return for votes. But if they could do it . . . . Well, we wouldn't put it past a Party that has already gone to the Dogs.

 
*************************************** 







 

Take It With a Grain of Assault

Yes, of course it was Assault! Kissing me against my will, with my husband - even an audience - there.

He was like an octopus. There was nothing I could do.


The man was indiscriminate! He kissed and fondled the elderly . . . .

 
The young . . . .

 
The middle-aged . . . .

 
Even little girls . . . .

 
He was especially fond of groping black women . . . .

 
And occasionally, pretty young men . . . .

 
And - oh, No! - it couldn't be! Not Vicki Lawrence!

 
*************************************




 

The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming!

Of all the off-the-wall rhetoric that's marked this election cycle, recent comments from Candidate Clinton and her entourage take the veritable cake.

 To paraphrase - and not too loosely - Clinton and company, including campaign manager Robby Mook, accused the Russian government of Vladimir Putin of hacking into the DNC, stealing gazillions of E-mails, and releasing them for the express purpose of hurting Hillary Clinton and helping Donald Trump.

To be sure, Russian media sentiment has been somewhat anti-Clinton - although not yet consistently pro-Trump. A poll last week from the Russian Fund for Public Opinion, a respected media polling group, found about 1/4 of Russians like Trump, 1/4 don't, and most have no opinion whatsoever, many not being very familiar with him.

Those who like the outspoken GOP candidate, though, tend to really, truly like him, as witnessed by one fan, 75-year-old Felix Kolsky from Nizhny Tagil, Russia, who offered the Trump campaign his entire life's savings of 100,000 rubles (about $1500), which he'd been planning to spend on a dental plate.

According to Russian media, Kolsky proclaimed, "I can live without teeth, if there will be no war. But (warmonger) Hillary Clinton . . . . It’s clear she's ready to storm Russia tomorrow!”

"Hillary the Warmonger" is a popular soubriquet for the former Secretary of State in Russia, where she's seen as favoring Ukraine in its ongoing struggle with pro-Russia separatists, as well as having worked against Russian interests in the Middle East and elsewhere.

Trump, on the other hand, has a long-standing rhetorical Bromance with Vladimir Putin, suggesting he'd like to reconcile with the Russian government and getting cheers at campaign rallies for lines like "Wouldn't it be nice if we could get along with Russia?"

But Warmonger is not the only tag many Russians have pinned on Clinton. Russians over age 40, especially, blame both Hillary and husband Bill Clinton for the collapse of the Russian economy during the 1990s.

Do Internet Searches for Clinton = Satan or Clinton = Wall Street Puppet on any search engine, and you'll get results from nearly as many Russian media sources as Republican - or Sanders supporter - sources. 

The Russians have called Clinton a "Hawk's Hawk" and some Russian media have said she "represents the Party of War."

Accurately or not, they have also characterized her in many Russian media articles as a heavy drinker (I hadn't heard that, had you?) and a bisexual who has "had more women than Bill Clinton has had." (Where does she find the time?)

OK, Robby Mook. Maybe Russians in general - and the Russian media in particular - genuinely don't like your candidate.

But that doesn't mean that the Russians are actively working for our candidate, Donald Trump. We  GOP activists certainly haven't noticed it. 



Neighborhood Canvassing

Telephone Opinion Polls

The RNC Convention

Maybe we haven't been looking hard enough.


*****

Divided We Stand

Aquamarine Lives Matter. Maroon Lives Matter. Apricot Lives Matter.

Burnt Sienna Lives Matter. Pewter Gray Lives Matter. Denim Blue Lives Matter.

Salmon Lives Matter. Electric Lime Lives Matter. Periwinkle Lives Matter.

Wisteria, Dandelion, Forest Green - Not So Much. 

Supremacists Are Supremacists Are Supremacists. (Although Those Forest Green Guys Are Truly the Worst!)